Your Five Minute Guide to SuperBowl Small Talk

Who cares that you don’t like football or that you couldn’t care less about the Super Bowl. That’s okay, because no one else at  your Super Bowl party cares much either.  In case you get caught by the keg with the two people who do care, here’s enough info to help you pass or punt.

Know a few key rules. The NFL knows you don’t . Here’s their guide.

It’s the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers.  They’re playing in New Orleans.

San Francisco has two talented quarterbacks, but Colin Kaepernick, who owns a pet tortoise, and Alex Smith, who doesn’t. Joe Flacco is the Ravens’ starting quarterback.

Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis is retiring as soon as this game ends. He already has at least two more things going for him then you: a Super Bowl ring. And an acquittal on a murder charge. And he might be guilty of using performance enhancing deer antler concentrate to amp  up his game. Really.

Tom Brady will not be playing. He and Gisele Bundchen, his supermodel wife, own a $20 million home. With a moat.

Beyonce will sing at half time. Or maybe she’ll just lip sync.