Pull up to Eddie V’s, but don’t valet, which would be way too Dallas in this big-hair-tight-skin bubble of the city that’s already too Dallas.
Stroll through the front door of Eddie V’s, pausing inside the dark entry vestibule just long enough to shake off the day, then head in.
Turn right, sit at the curved end of the U-shaped bar—always begin at the bar—elbow to elbow with the regulars who used to be regulars at the nearby steakhouse or the fancy place across the street. Take in the three-piece combo playing standards behind your left shoulder, loud enough to keep conversations private but soft enough so the bluehairs don’t have to lean in far to talk. Tell the bartender you want a classic cocktail–a French 75, perhaps, or a martini, straight up, no trash. Or, if you’re feeling rich or unimaginative, buy the bottle of Silver Oak sitting suggestively to your right.
Then order a a half-dozen oysters. If you’re lucky, they’ll be Point Judith oysters from Rhode Island, as briny and bracingly fresh as a slurp of the cold Atlantic. Ask for the ahi tartare, ruby red with hits of spicy curry oil and bright citrus fruits and avocado, or go right to a big plate of wok-fried calamari, a tangle of rings, fine-cut veggies, and Asian accents masquerading as an app but which is really the best $13 entree in town.
If by now you find yourself sharing the curve of the bar with someone you’ve grown fond of, move to the dimly lighted dining room, where a hushed corner and soft music are the perfect foils for hiding from prying eyes (and your other nieces). You might want a steak, but trust me: opt for the Chilean seabass gently steamed with soy and sherry until it’s irresistibly moist and perfumed.
If business brought you, the dining room tables are generously sized and separated far enough from other each that eavesdropping is difficult. You could buy an airplane, say, or sell a company without anyone nearby knowing. Unless you play your hand by ordering three bottles of Darioush Napa Valley Cabernet to go with your prime steaks, truffle mac and cheese, and crab fried rice. That might make people notice.
Come to think of it, that won’t seem weird at all.